Moving Faster Than Lightning!

Life seems to be moving so fast right now. My first year of college is finished and now Summer is here. Next thing you know, it'll be Fall and I'll be back on that semester schedule once again. It blows me away how I'm already a sophomore in College when I still feel like a 16 year old sophomore in High School!

With life taking over, I'm losing track of updating this blog. And I only update it once a month! How sad, I know. I guess it's because I really don't have much to write about or really wanna put out there for the world to contemplate. Maybe I'm learning to keep things for myself and just accepting things for what they are and just going with the flow. Or I might just be getting lazy and taking the easy way out. xD Either way, please bear with me if I fail to update or posts blogs like I regularly do, even if it was only once a month..

I feel it's better to live my life and do what I choose to without having to document or write about it. From time to time I will, for sure. It's just that now, I want to have that freedom. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I don't want to always take pictures of the things I'm doing or have done, and if I do take a picture, I'd rather keep it to myself; for my own viewing pleasure. Sound kinda pervy. But it is what it is. Sorry, if I sound selfish that way. But you can understand right?

Besides, I don't think anyone ever reads my blogs anyway. AHAHA. But that doesn't matter because I started this blog to keep myself sane by writing down the random thoughts and theories bouncing around in my noggin. So right now, I'm learning to not question things so much and be happy with whatever it is I have. And if I don't have what I want; I'll find a way to get it some way, some how.

I'm going to take a break. But I'll be back before you know it!

"Oh Momma"

Oh Momma. (: It’s not Mother’s Day or anything special like that. But I’d just like to tell you that I love you. I know I never tell you.. And it’s only because we’re not a very vocal family. We communicate fine; talking, yelling, joking yadda yadda. Yet we never actually say “I love you.” I never knew why and it never bothers me. And actions speak louder than words anyway. But sometimes it’s nice to hear, you know? So I’m telling you now. haha.

You are the strongest, most independent woman in my life. And I hope that someday I become even half the woman you are. You’re also the most hardworking, patient, understanding, funny (don’t tell Dad!), selfless, and brutally honest person I know. Not to mention you make the best home cooked meals! Yum, sarap!! I’ll need to learn your tricks of the trade one day, but for now I'll settle for being your Official Taste Tester. :]

We have our times when we both go off on each other and neither one of us want to back down. It’s because we’re both stubborn, I got that from you. LOL. And I know I’m not always the best daughter in the world and that you always try to be the best Mom. But I love those times when I can tell you about me and my friends and just things in general. And you tell me how your day is going, what happened at the carehome, etc. You’ve really become one of my best friends and sometimes my friends say we’re even like sisters. xD Yet at the end of the day, when things don’t get done and there’s a problem; you’re still my Momma and you put your feet down.

Now don’t think I forgot to mention another thing. AHA. You’re also beautiful, inside and out. I learned to accept and love myself from you because you would sometimes say, “I’m fat! SO! It’s true. Why deny it!” And the fact that you don’t mask anything and keep it real shows that you’re a truly beautiful person, not some fake plastic.

There’s so much more I can say and list. But it’d just be redundant and mean the same thing; Thank you for everything Momma, 143. ♥

FAITH vs RELIGION

Faith is a huge part of any Religion. Yet Religion without Faith is nothing. So why does Religion or having a Religion matter so much? Isn't having Faith enough? It's like, if you don't have a Church or Temple to name that you go to on certain days your purpose in life is clouded or something like that.

I'm at a point right now, where I'm at a crossroads with my beliefs when it comes to religion. Or more specifically, MY own religion. I'm Roman Catholic, baptized and raised. I went to Catholic School on Saturday mornings for my First Communion, Reconciliation and Confession. Basically the initiation into the Catholic Church. And my family and I still go to Church on Sundays religiously. No pun intended.

This all makes me sound like a hypocrite, questioning my religion and all. But at the same time, still attending Church every week. -__- To tell you the truth, I feel like it's a chore to go; I only look forward to after mass when we go out to eat and have family bonding time. I really don't see the point in going to Church when reading the Bible is the same exact thing minus the Collection Baskets. And no one is standing in front of you preaching the "word of the lord" in their own interpretation of what the word of the lord is.

I've noticed people use religion as a way to identify themselves within their community, as an individual, etc. And I see nothing wrong with that, I just find it irritating when people start thinking they are better than others BECAUSE of their religion.. Or the fact that they go to Church, Prayer Meetings, Bible Studies, Retreats and other forms of religious activities. It doesn't make them any better than someone who goes to social gatherings just to be able to say that he/she went. And sometimes it gets worse, people start worshiping themselves within their religion and begin thinking others beliefs are wrong, just because it's not the same as theirs.

That's not what should matter. It's your own personal connection and relationship with God that's important. No need to be labeled a certain religion. I have faith in the fact that I know HE is there watching over me. Not only that, but I think being a good person in general, being family oriented, having close friendships, knowing right from wrong/fair and unfairness, having strong moral beliefs, and being humble are also very important. It's religion that's not really necessary. Faith is what's so necessary.

"Faith is often blinded by Religion."

Live YOUR Life, I'll Live MINES

I realized I CARE WAY TOO MUCH when it comes to my Loved ones. I somehow end up making their problems, my own. And it finally began to weigh me down.. The stress took its toll on me. I was a mess. Man, I don't know how Psychiatrists can handle it! All I know is, I take pride in knowing that I'm someone my friends and cousins can turn to and seek advice from or just simply vent at. And I'm never one to judge, but I'm one to want what's best for them, no matter what.

That's where it gets bad because I get so caught up in being there for them. Always at the sidelines, holding up my hand painted sign; cheering and supporting them all the way with whatever decision they make. Except, I too often forget to be there for myself, until after all is said and done. And call it martyrdom or whatever, but it didn't really bother me. I was content with seeing to my friend's and family's happiness because their happiness is my happiness.

It's not like anyone held me back; in reality I HELD MYSELF BACK. I have no one to blame and I don't want to be blaming anyone. It's just about time I focus more on the "Woman in the mirror" and stop living my life on the sidelines. At the same time, I'll stop expecting so much out of others, and start expecting so much more for myself.

Now, I'm still gonna care and be there; an extra hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and be their very own Dr. Phil or Personal Stylist if need be. I just won't be so involved anymore. I'm stepping back and being less affected. Hopefully it all works out. Wish me luck!

A New Year + New Goals = A New Me?

[i've got nothing to lose, except weight! so here goes!]

• Be Organized: Get a big calendar and daily planner to help keep track of due dates, appointments, events, etc. That way, there's no excuse to be late or on "Filipino Time"

• Keep My Room Clean! By cleaning it once every week or more, depending on how messy it is. Remember: "A Cluttered Room makes for a Cluttered Mind"

• Do Laundry Once a Month: Instead of waiting until my clothes run out because that'll never happen.. So the dirty clothes pile up, making the room messy; and that's a No-No!
  

• Eat Healthier. Have fast food only once or twice a week. NO SODA: only water, teas, and juices. Don't eat too much and keep it in proportion.

• Save Money! Buy only if I need and rarely if I want. Start putting money away in a Bank Account again. Interest from Savings is my BFF!

• Exercise 30min a Day or 3-4x a Week: Run, Dance, Walk. Do Something, Be Active, Be a Verb! hehe.
  

• Volunteer/Community Service: At least once a month or more. Helping out others, donating, random acts of kindness, charity work. You know, all that good stuffs. (:

• Focus on School! Get Straight A's! Just think the Asian Grading System way: A=Average, B=Below Average, C=Crap, D=Below Average, F=Fail

• Family: Take to heart "Forget About Me, I Love You" Do things not just for myself but for them too. Like helping out without being told & to be a better Ate.

• Friends: Spend time and catch up with old friends, find a way to keep in touch with long distance friends and make lots of new friends. "The more the merrier!"
  

• Reduce Negativity: Always see the bright side of things. Learn to appreciate things for the way they are, not for how they "should be". And no Debby Downers please!!
  

• Have More Patience. It's the key to achieving everything on this list. But it'll also take time and effort. So don't go giving up! Just be patient.
  

Forget About Me, I Love You

Happy Anniversary Momma and Daddy!

Thanksgivings' already past, but I'd like to say I'm really thankful for my FAMILY. Especially to my Mom and Dad, they've been there for me since day 1 and it's amazing how they're still putting up with me now! Let's just say I've put them through my fair share of headache inducing troubles, pointless arguments and just being a bad daughter in general... I really don't know how else to explain how after all that, they still keep being there to guide me and my sisters along.

I'm going to chalk it up to a thing called Unconditional Love because there's no other reason, unless my parents are just plain crazy and sometimes I doubt that, for all the sacrifices they go through for us kids. I know of Moms and Dads who put themselves first before their own kids and it's just sad. To be honest, I'm scared of being a parent. But my own parents are doing such a great job raising me and my sisters that I feel I won't have to worry as much because I'll have them to look up and aspire to be like.

As for my sisters, I know I haven't been the best Ate; big sister, to them. Sorry for that and everything I've ever done wrong to you two! I'm still learning and getting the hang of things, I just hope they know that I'm always going to be here for them no matter what, just like Mom and Dad. And if I'm not, don't worry I'll make up for it when I become a Nurse already! Oh crap, I shouldn't have said that. I have a feeling I'll be held accountable one day.. They're both still so young though: my middle sister Allison is 11 and my baby sister Samantha is only 4. My parents didn't plan it but we're all about 7 years apart. I just can't wait for when we're all grown up, having our own family get togethers and Momma & Daddy get their own room in each of our houses. (:

For now, everything is just perfect. I couldn't ask for anything else from my family. I'm just going to strive to be the best I could be for them. After all, it's what they deserve because they're ALWAYS going to be the best I will ever have. You best believe! Hah.

Friends & Ships
"Tell me who your friends are. And I'll tell you who you are."

Lately, I've been thinking about my friends and our friendships..
I remember when it was freshman year: everyone was friends with everyone, it was so fun and chill. Then by senior year there were little cliques and you only had your close friends to really depend on.

It's pretty much still that way for me. But I've gotten to the point where I choose who I want to be around and get close to because I know that the people I'm around and that surround me, influence me even in my subconscious. It's kind of scary and funny and a little embarrassing when I catch myself doing something that one of my friends would've done or said. Yet, isn't imitation the best form of flattery?

The best thing about friendships is when, and I only have this with a handful of my friends, I can call them any time of the day or night, and they'll be there. And our conversation just flows, we talk about anything and everything and nothing all at once. Even if we haven't talked for long periods of time, when I catch up with them, it's like no time has passed.

It just makes me sad when I grow apart from friends and our friendship fades. I feel like a part of me sort of faded away too. Like the old saying goes, it takes two to tango; one friend can't always be the one calling, texting, myspacing, facebooking, webcamming or whatever -ing when the other friend doesn't even reciprocate. It makes for a one-sided friendship, where it's easy for people to say "let it go" "just drop them" but I never want to be the one that gave up. I'll just leave them be, give them time and continue our friendship when they're ready.

I care more for QUALITY with friends, than quantity.. So I had to let some friendships go because I realized the cons far out weighed the pros, especially when being around them wasn't fun anymore, more forced.. And that it was better to set sail on different ships of independence. lame.. i know. i just wanted to make it match the title.