Gone Too Soon. . .

the first & last picture of me and Paula taken on May 2009

RIP my Goddaughter Paula

It's been almost a week by tomorrow, since the day she passed away. And to tell you the truth, I'm still in denial about the whole thing.. I mean, I grasped the whole idea of her being six feet underground and pushing daisies but I'm still frustratingly questioning WHY?! Why did she have to die so young? Why her? Just why??

The day I found out that she had passed away was on Wednesday; September 30. My momma had picked me up from school and she told the news inside the van. I felt like a mood-ring with all the emotions that rushed through me. I was shocked, then sad, and then angry. Angry at the fact that she died at the young age of 10. I had only physically met her twice; in 2007 and when my family and I went to the Philippines this year.

I'm very thankful that I at least got to know her some because she was such a little sweetie. I still smile when I remember the time I gave her a Hannah Montana bag and a Disney Minnie Mouse Tee. She pranced around her cousins, showing of the presents I gave her! And she cheekily told them that they couldn't touch her presents that "Ninang Johnalyn" gave her because they might make it dirty. Ninang means Godmother in Tagalog and I became Paula's Godmom or "Ninang" through her mom; my cousin.

It's times like these when I remember that LIFE IS PRECIOUS. That things really shouldn't be taken for granted. Yet, we do take things for granted everyday! It's crazy.. So now, I'm going to try and live my life everyday like I have Cancer. Imagine if you found out, right now, that you have cancer. Wouldn't you look at life, your life, differently and want to do as much for yourself as well as others around you; now that you know that you only have a limited amount of time left? I always end up thinking of Queen Latifah in Last Holiday, she frees herself from any inhibitions and lives her life to the fullest. Just think of it this way. Do you really need to be diagnosed with a terminal illness to make you value everyday that you're alive? We live our lives everyday in denial, like we're never going to die. But we all will, at some point. So why not cherish what life has to offer for us?

I DARE YOU TO LIVE EVERYDAY LIKE YOU HAVE CANCER!

MEAT: To Eat or Not To Eat?
[that is the question]

I've recently come to decide that I'm going to be a VEGETARIAN. Yes, I said it. A vegetarian. A Herbivore, Plant Eater, whatever you wanna call it.

It's only been a recent decision, but it's a decision I've been thinking about for awhile now. And it's because I didn't want to just "try it out" like it's some sorta phase I go through or something. I really want to make this a lifestyle change. Why, you might ask? Well, let's see, there's many factors that key into it. I first got the idea in my head when, earlier this year, I went on vacation in the Philippines and I witnessed a pig being stabbed to death. It was horrible the way that the people man handled and shanked it. I really didn't mean to witness any of it at all. I was just passing by and the back door to a butcher shop was open. Then I heard the poor pig squeal at the top of it's lungs while a man stabbed it repeatedly in the neck..

I was so traumatized by what I saw; for the rest of the day the image of the dying pig kept haunting me.. I ended up refusing to eat any of the meat from the very same pig that we had at a party that day. My family found it odd that I didn't eat any of it, and they kept telling me to have some because a whole roasted pig is a delicacy in the Philippines. But to no avail, I chose to have everything else BUT the roasted pig.

That was back in May this year, the image of the poor pig doesn't haunt me as much as the thought of how morally wrong it is to have animals die for our own survival. Which is the second factor for my wanting to be a vegetarian. I feel that animals deserve to live, just as humans do. It just doesn't feel right for me to eat them.

There's a third and final reason why I want to be a Vegetarian. But I kind of don't want to discuss it. It's personal and this is public. Feel me?

So here goes, I'm officially starting today [09.01.09] to be a Lacto/Ovo Vegetarian: eggs and dairy product eating vegetarian. I'll also be eating fish and other seafoods though just no red meat/animal meat. It's going to be tough since my family eats all types of meats. They support me though, since I told them about my decision. But I'm gunna try and turn them around too!

someone informed me that the official term for my diet is Pesca-Vegetarianism. (:

[WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY]

• seeing strangers pick up other people's dropped things
• having conversations that just flow
• really comfy worn in jeans
• bear hugs, meaningful hugs, just hugs in general
• a baby's laugh
• laying on fresh sheets straight from the dryer
  
• finding money in pockets
  
• inside jokes for days
• seeing an elderly couple walking down the street holding hands
• petting furry animals
• listening to really good music that fits my mood exactly
• getting good back massages
• real homemade food
  
• when my parents tell me how proud they are of me
• making people laugh
• being there for someone whenever they need me
• rolling down a grassy hill
• building forts
• 11:11 wishes that come true
  

this is only a short list. there's way too many things and moments to list. oh but i like to make lists. it just makes things easier to read, you know? so fair warning. haha.